There are many things that I just haven’t gotten to over the past several weeks. Between work, taking care of my mom, helping out the kids with moving (and blogging), the end of the day suddenly appears, and I find that there are still several items on the “to do” list. These items just seem to be passed along on the list from one day to another, and suddenly the days have become a week, and they are still not done. Other “do-its” get priority, and these certain things just ride along on the bottom of the list. The catfish of tasks.
Today, I finally called for a doctor’s appointment for my very painful knee. I have had bad knees for a long time. I have almost come to accept them. I have had cortisone shots here and there, and they help, but only for a short time. I take handfuls of ibuprofen, but they wear off and I don’t like to keep taking it. It can’t be good for me.
So……today I finally made the appointment with the orthopedist. Why has it taken so long? One word-
It is so stupid, I know. But I know that the doctor will have nasty thoughts about me-that if I lost weight, I wouldn’t have so much trouble with my knees. He will be disgusted about it. I know all of this, and I don’t want to deal with it. Because, honestly, I am disgusted with myself as well. But recently I have been in a lot more pain, and several people have noticed and have been concerned.
Today, I finally felt how limited I have become with my walking, limping and barely able to stand for more than a few minutes. I realized that I have to do something. I don’t want to be this way the rest of my life. I’ve had enough.
Crap- I know he’s going to be thinking a whole lot of bad stuff about me.
And yet there are still a few catfish trolling along the bottom of that to-do list.