We spent the weekend with our daughter to work on wedding plans. They are planning an August wedding in Glacier National Park. We are now about 6 months away from the big day, and the serious planning is now starting. Our daughter seems to have been very overwhelmed by the entire process. She is very self conscious, and hates to be the center of attention. Of course, this will be a day when she will definitely be the focus of everyone. She wants to keep things simple, but planning an out-of-state wedding for at least 100 guests is just not that simple.
They seem to be getting things put together. We made a lot of progress this weekend. It was a good situation, as it was just the four of us, and we didn’t have the distraction of a holiday, or of other people vying for their time and attention.
There was a big surprise for us. I had a feeling that they had already gotten married. I don’t know why I began to think so, but over the holidays, that feeling intensified. I joked to our younger son that my daughter was definitely already married.
And yes, yes they are.
For nearly 6 months.
They got married on the day that they will be having the wedding…..exactly one year earlier.
When we asked them if they had figured out who would perform the ceremony, the response we got was “We have that covered” with a bit of eye contact evasion. I finally asked them outright. I will give them credit that they did not lie to me.
I’ll admit that part of my immediate reaction was to crow a bit about being right. My husband had not believed me. He didn’t think our daughter would get married without telling us.
Their explanation is that it was just a contract to ensure medical insurance for our daughter through his plan. “It’s just a business contract. We consider our real wedding to be when we are married in front of all of our friends and family.”
So why do I feel bad? Why am I feeling hurt, left out, disappointed?
It’s our only daughter. We would have been there if they’d told us. We would have jumped in the car and been there in 8 hours just to be with her for a simple courthouse wedding. They didn’t want us there. They wanted to keep it just business. They had some friends whom they don’t even know well act as witnesses.
We have been instructed to keep this a secret. They don’t want his parents to know. They are very concerned that his parents will “go ballistic” and things will never be the same in the family. If we tell others in our family, they are worried that the word will get out, and then it will get back to his parents. I don’t know them very well, but I wonder if his parents realize that their son (and now daughter in law) are so worried about a bad reaction that such information would be withheld from them.
I am still working this out in my head. I can’t discuss it with anyone other than Merle. I can’t talk to my sister, my sons, daughter-in-law or friends for perspective. Merle and I are feeling the same way. We realize it’s out of proportion to the true situation, but we are both very disappointed.
We did the only thing we could….Congratulated them.
And welcomed a son-in-law into the family.