Posted by: chlost | January 13, 2010


All of my life, I have had only a few friends.  I am not like my sisters, or even my mother, who have always had a big group of friends in their lives.  One sister has a group that they call the “ya-ya’s”, after the book.  They all get together pretty often, support each other through life crises, such as cancer and wayward children.  She also has a book club, a knitting class, and neighbor friends who get together regularly.  My other sister has a lot of friends, as well. Hers are from her pottery class, her church, and several choirs and  musical groups she is in. 

Me, I have a few friends who have been my friends for many years.  Several of them, I don’t see for years, but when we do see each other, we can talk as though we get together monthly.  We have started to keep in touch through facebook, but it has mostly been birthday and Christmas cards.  Maybe they don’t think of me as a good friend, I don’t know.  Otherwise, I have a few “lunch friends”; we get together for lunch on a monthly or bi-monthly schedule, as we can.  A couple of these are from high school.  Another few from work over the years.  I really don’t have a “best” friend. 

Yesterday, I went to court with a friend.  This is a “one-way” friendship.  I do all of the contact, and set things up if we get together.  He and his husband are usually willing to cooperate.  Rarely do they reciprocate.  They are funny and fun to be with, so it is usually a refreshing change from my quiet life.  One of these friends has been charged with a serious crime.  I am very familiar with the court system, having worked within it for 27 years now.  I went along just for support.  Friends do that, right?  This is usually just fine with me. 

Not too long ago, I had a major medical issue.  I ended up in the hospital, and was nearly killed by an injection of a drug to which, it turned out, I am allergic.  I really wanted a friend after that.  I really needed a friend to talk with me.  It was a life experience that made me question my entire life.  I realized that I don’t have that kind of friend.  My husband tried, in his way, but he is just not able to help me with this kind of life issue, especially as part of it included questioning my relationship with my husband. 

What now? How do you go about finding a friend?  Can you even do that?  Or, at this point in life, have you set your style and now are stuck with it?  I don’t have the answer.  Wish I had a good friend to talk with about this.


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