Posted by: chlost | February 7, 2010

All of my chicks

I am a parent of three adult children.  I love them.  I probably also have control issues.  It is very hard for me to not know what is going on in their lives.  The oldest will be 30 in a few months.  You would think that I would have gotten used to this by now.

My oldest is in the most serious relationship he’s had to date.  They are living together.  This is a first for him.  The relationship seems to be going well from the outside.  In the past, however, he has talked to me about issues that they have struggled with some pretty big issues.  She has actually physically pushed him in an argument, and has said some pretty awful things to him.  She has left without telling him that she is going, and has threatened some pretty self-destructive behaviors.  It has been a while since we’ve talked, so maybe things are better.  It is very hard not to know.

We had dinner with them last night, and things seemed to be going well for them.  His girlfriend was as relaxed and happy as I’ve ever seen her.

My middle child is my daughter, a grad student half a continent away from us.  She is in a serious relationship with a guy who has just finished his PhD in Math.  She will finish her MA in June.  They plan to move to wherever he gets a position as a professor.  She is the happiest that I have ever seen her, surely since she was in junior high.  That was a very traumatic time for her.  She lost all of her sense of self.  It seems to be going so well for her right now.  We will see them in March, when they will be visiting during their spring break.  She says that she wants all of us to get to know her guy.  I think that means that they are planning for the future together-marriage? We don’t know.  But we are happy that she is happy.

Our youngest is currently living with us, but hoping to move out as soon as they can find a place.  The moving process has begun, with the internet search for rentals already begun.  We are a bit uneasy about that, hoping that they would stay here a little longer to get some more money put away, and to avoid a move in the winter.

So, this is the rundown in my mind of my chicks.  I feel so much better when I know what all of my little chicks are doing, where they are, and what is happening in their lives.  I feel so out of control when I haven’t heard from them, or don’t know what is going on with all of them.

When I look back at my life, I can’t imagine that my mother felt the same way.  She was dealing with all sorts of things in her life when I was at my children’s ages.  She decided to move across the country after divorcing my dad.  She has never seemed to be particularly involved in our lives, and not overly concerned about things for the most part.  She likes to talk on the phone, but just about general stuff.  She really doesn’t know me or what is happening with me.  My father was even less involved. 

My husband’s parents lived in the area while they were alive, but were not involved in our lives.  We saw them pretty regularly, but never were emotionally close to them.  I loved them-but the relationship was not like ours with out children.

Is it the difference in generations?  Or is it something else that has happened just in our little family.  I don’t think I am over involved with my children’s lives, but I just want to know that my chicks are all doing well.


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