Going on

I last wrote as I learned of my sister’s death.  It still feels wrong to have those words together-“my sister’s death”.  I haven’t accepted it yet.  I keep expecting to get a phone call from her to chat about this terrible thing that I am going through, missing this important person in my life.

I was in Virginia to help with things for a week.  It was a terrible week.  My almost 80 year old mother is struggling to decide what to do from here.  She depended on my sister for so much, and now feels that she will be a burden to my brother-in-law.  My 14 year old nephew would be even more devastated if his grandma moved away now, but my mother doesn’t see that she is needed.  She wants to get away from there, and return to the west coast, where she lived until just over a year ago.  She moved to be near my sister after a stroke. 

We fought with the minister in order to have an opportunity to share memories of my sister.  The church, Episcopal, would not allow flowers in the sanctuary.  My sister loved flowers-we found hundreds of photos she had taken of flowers on her computer.  We (my mother, brother, and my other sister) did what we could and had flowers in the church hall for the luncheon after the service.  The church was filled to capacity, with people of every race, age and religion.  A Baptist minister, a rabbi and a cantor all did readings at the service.  The Episcopal minister did a quick little “homily”. 

The music was spectacular.  My sister sang in several choirs, and was a voice teacher.  Her dearest friend, Chuck, put together a music program that shook the rafters.  The musicians who sang with her for over 15 years were there, and almost all of them were in tears as they sang. 

Today is the first day back in real life.  It is almost as hard as the week leading up to the service.  The reality of going on without this amazing, phenomenal woman in my life is going to take a lot longer to accept.

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