Posted by: chlost | March 7, 2010

Pushing myself?

I have planned to attend a meeting/conference of some local authors today. I have been planning this for over a week.  It is part of my plan to take the possibility of writing to the first level.  I had been looking forward to it.  It is about an hour’s drive.  I had a friend who was going to go along with me, as she also enjoyed the main author who would be speaking.

I received a voice mail from my friend yesterday.  She has had a death in her family-the mother of her sister-in-law-and the services are today.  She can’t come along with me. 

It is a gray, ugly-looking day.  There is freezing rain.  I am imagining that the roads may not be great for driving.  The parking situation will be difficult, I may have to pay for that.

As you can see, I have lost my enthusiasm for attending this event.  It is free, so I am not out any money.  So, do I push myself and make myself go to the event even if I am no longer enthusiastic about attending?  Or do I give in to my current negativity about it and stay home and read a book, clean the house, and/or go grocery shopping?  I am struggling with the choice.  I am leaning toward staying at home.  I just don’t feel the energy to go alone.  Then I wonder whether I would enjoy it after all, or if I will regret it if I don’t push myself and go in for it. 

This is part of the problem with making decisions to make changes in my life.  If the plan changes, I have trouble adjusting to them, and during the whole grieving process, this tendency has increased substantially.  I am nearly in tears over this choice.  I don’t like to be pushed, even my me.

I still have about an hour to decide.  I think I will take a shower and see how I am feeling then.

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