Posted by: chlost | March 8, 2010

Just tired of it

I’m tired of almost everything today.  I am tired of clients, tired of my husband, tired of being tired.

It is a grey day again.  The snow is starting to melt, but that just makes it even more dreary.  I can’t seem to get anything done.  I have been reading a book, one by an author that I really like.  I just get sleepy reading it, and then I realize that I am not really following the plot all that well.

Is this just part of the normal life cycle?  Or is it part of the normal grief process?  Or is it not normal at all and is clinical depression?  I haven’t felt like my old self for several years.  My sister even mentioned it at one time-that I hadn’t been myself for a while.  I know that just after my 50th birthday, a high school friend died, then just a few months later my father died.  Is that the “threes” that things tend to come in together?  All I know is that I don’t feel as though I have completely recovered from any of that.  Of course, over that same period of time, my son got married, had two children, moved out of state, then moved back here with us.  My daughter moved out of state to attend graduate school.  My oldest son bought a home, has had two serious girlfriends, the current one a live-in for nearly a year.  I have had serious medical issues, including two total blackouts that have not been explained.  The list goes on and on……..is it just life?

I just can’t seem to shake it.  No matter what is going on in my life, there is this underlying feeling of being tired, of being crabby, sarcastic, and unhappy.  Even in the happiest of times, I still feel it underneath me. 

Today, it just seems worse than it has for a while.  I don’t think it is sadness, or anger, or other rather legitimate feelings that one might have at this point in the grieving process. 

I am just tired of everything and everyone.

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Responses

  1. Feel the same though I am just 31, and just have a 4 and a half year old daughter. My father died just after a month i turned 20 and i haven’t got it over yet. Have been obese for all my life, both my parents were diabetic, had high BP and heart problems. My mother suffers from arthritis and hernia and I am an only child. My grandma is alive too and has gone cranky and incredibly dirty with age. When all of it becomes too much for me to bear, I shut it all off. I mean I take two days off and go to a nearby hill station here, where I pray, meditate, bathe in the river, and just roam around. May be do a little shopping too but I don’t enjoy it that much too. I like to sit in silence sometimes and think of my problems in third person. Counseling myself like an outsider works for me. Perhaps you may want to try it too.


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