Still here

I am still here.  That is a good thing.  I am at my mom’s-she lives in the same town as my sister did.  I will leave tomorrow.  I am ready to go back.  But I think it was good for me to be here.

It was a beautiful spring day here.  I enjoyed it.  The sun was out for most of the day, and it was around 70 degrees F.  I am so ready for the winter to be over.  I want green.  The grass here has just started to green up.  It has been refreshing to the eye to see it.  I will be going back to mud and grey.

There has not been a lot of other things happening here.  My sister made pottery.  We went through several of her pieces, and I picked out a few to take home.  I think I will need to do that over more than one trip.  My carry on will not hold everything.

We also started to look through fabric in my sister’s craft room.  She had several tall cabinets filled with fabric, patterns, thread, other sewing and craft projects and equipment.  It looks as though she had several projects in mind, and had just started working on them.  She was so creative.  There was so much in her mind.  I still can’t believe that it is all just gone.  I hope that my b-i-l can wait the couple of months that it will take until my other sister can be here to go through that room.  It sounds as though he wants to empty it out as soon as possible to be able to move my nephew into that room.  He is also planning to paint.  I am trying to understand how all of this is helpful to him.  From here, it seems as though he is trying to get rid of every piece of her.

My mother ‘s health is getting more fragile.  She is living in a senior apartment complex, but does not drive, and is not even trying to get to know other people or to get out to do things.  She was that way before my sister died, but it has gotten worse since her death.  I know that she is annoyed with my b-i-l,  but is dependent on him for some help.  I am not sure how long this arrangement is going to work.

Some days, it is just amazing to wake up and know that I am still here for another day of it all.

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