Posted by: chlost | April 20, 2010

Another hit from out of nowhere

I save messages on my cell phone.  I have messages from my kids when they call me about exciting things.  My daughter’s call telling me she had been accepted to grad school.  My son’s call about the progress of labor for his daughter’s birth.  Things like that.

Over the couple of years that I have had the phone, I have accumulated several messages.  I resave them regularly, when the phone tells me that I have to do that or lose the message.  It usually happens as I am trying to access a new message, and I have to go through all of the saved messages before I can hear the new one.  I just listen to the phone number, hit skip, then resave. That happened today.

  But it was not like the other times. 

I was going through the messages, rather quickly, as usual.  In the middle of the whole list, I suddenly heard my sister’s number, a call from December.  I don’t even know what message I would have saved.  I heard her voice “Hi, there!………….”  I couldn’t listen any further.  I saved it again.  I don’t know whether I will be able to listen to it the next time it comes up for review, I only knew that I could not listen to it today.

It is stuff like this that just comes out of nowhere.  It blasts you between the eyes.  You can’t be ready for it. She died over two months ago, and this stuff is still happening.  It isn’t getting easier. 

My breathing stopped as I heard it.  My heart caught.  My brain was having a hard time processing what my ears were hearing. 

I am hoping that these things stop……but then I almost hope that they don’t-because when they do, things really will be final.  So, what is next?

Where and when will I be hit again?  I am not ready.



  1. I tried for years to get my mother to tape a brief history of her life. Nope. After she died, I found her voice briefly asking me some small thing on the answering machine….a model that had a tape. Now days there’s nothing left in the world that will play that tape. Hugs………

  2. I don’t save messages at all but I can see how disconcerting it would be. Hugs!!

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