If bad things really come in threes, I don’t want to know what is next

The past few days have been awful.  My husband’s 86 year old aunt Grace died.  To say that my husband’s family is difficult for me to deal with is an understatement.  Dealing with the family just four months after my sister’s death is overwhelming. Dealing with all the issues which are involved after another death in the family is beyond my abilities right now.

Grace was never married.  She lived in the same house where she was born for her entire life.  She was my father-in-law’s sister.  Her family never truly respected her, or appreciated her kindness.  She quit her job and cared for her mother until her mother’s death at age 99.  She never truly recovered from that experience. 

Grace’s house would have been described as a garbage house.  It was full of “stuff” in piles 3-4 feet high, with paths for walking (on top of more stuff).  If you have seen the television show “Hoarders” you have an idea.  She was afraid to let anyone into the house.  My husband and his brother finally intervened and helped clean it out a few years ago, and removed 6 tons of stuff-literally, it was weighed at the city’s landfill before being dumped.  At that time she did not have a working bathroom and she was using space heaters as the furnace was not working, as she was afraid to let repair people into the house. She slept in a little “nest” amongst the piles, as she could not get to the bed. She continued to struggle to keep the house cleaned out after they removed the tons of garbage, but she did a fairly good job these last few years.

It is not the reality of her death that has been so hard for me these past few days, although it is always sad to see someone you care about in the hospital, dying. It is hard to think of her being gone. I will miss her.

What is so very hard is dealing with my brother-in-law.  To describe him as a jerk is being kind.  He treats my husband disrespectfully, he is mean to his wife and children, and is a control freak beyond measure.  He has not worked for many years, living off his investments.  Money is his god.  We spent most of the day yesterday discussing final arrangements, most of that discussion was his attempt to do it as cheaply as possible.  A discount memorial service.  Not in the sense that we should do as much as we can ourselves because there is not a lot of money or because we care for her so much, but in the sense that let’s not spend much on this so there is more to split up between the heirs.  I had to leave the room during these discussions. I was in tears by the time we left their large expensive suburban home.

I can only hope his children will return the favor at the time of his death.

In any event, this is going to be a very long, difficult week.  I will try to grit my teeth and get through it without losing my cool, for the sake of my husband.  He does not want to make waves at this time. I will try to respect that-he deserves to be respected by someone through all of this.

I may have to be gagged and tied down.

And I know whom I might nominate as #3.