Posted by: chlost | September 20, 2010

I’ve become an estate widow

My husband’s never here. I have had virtually no time with him since the death of his aunt. He sleeps here-so far. He works during the day, and goes to his aunt’s house to try to go through the mountains of stuff that remain in her house. He comes home late, usually after I’ve gone to bed. Repeat daily.

He was home yesterday for a good portion of the day.

He watched football.

Now, I don’t begrudge him that. I know that he needed a release. I understand.

Well, maybe I don’t, really.  The stupid football team lost their game. Then he gets crabby and upset over that. He is already crabby because he has been spending almost all of his time digging through stuff in a dirty, dusty, soon-to-be-demolished house with his brother.

I believe I may have mentioned that his brother is crazy.

Today they went to court for the estate. He took the day off from work to be able to go to the 10 am hearing. Since then, he has been working on the house. He thought he might be home for dinner. Nope. I just talked to him and he “might leave in an hour, optimistically.”

I know that it needs to be done. I realize that he has a lot to do. But I see how hard it has been on him. He takes things very much to heart. He is getting overwhelmed by all of it. He really needs a break. But he just can’t let go. Even when we have had a short time to try to relax, he can’t. He gets all wound up over what he should be doing.

I miss him.



  1. Any way you can go help him?

    • Not really. It’s been made clear by his brother that this is something they need to experience together. His brother is not willing to allow anyone else to handle this stuff….I mean literally handle it. Plus, I’d probably kill his brother before an hour had passed.

  2. Jeez !

    Sounds like a no-win mess. Do remember that this too will pass.

    • Yes, I will not win this one, I am sure. Thanks!

  3. This is going to sound incredibly cheesy, but stick with me… In my experience, men don’t do too well with being overwhelmed, and sometimes you have to baby the little buggers. Maybe tell him you want to schedule a date night for the two of you – cook dinner at home, with napkins and stuff, watch a movie together, get out the massage oil and go a little nuts… just a suggestion 😉

    • I love the idea, but so far, it hasn’t worked out. I’m keeping it in mind.

  4. Why note hire and estate sale service and have them do the work? They sell, they get rid of everything, and you cand hire kids for the final clean out. Just a thought.

    • Well, that would be wonderful, but that makes too much sense. I have no control.

  5. Estate sale. There are people who will come in, sort through everything and sell it for you and dispose of what can’t be sold. We did that with my grandmother;s house after we’d taken the things we really wanted to keep.

    • We did that for my dad’s estate, and even my husband agreed it was good. His cousin is selling a bunch of the stuff, but the rest of it must be “handled” and “processed” and “massaged” (his brother’s words, not mine) by them. Yikes!

  6. Does your brother in law have the authority to tell your husband how this has to be handled? Sounds like he has it all his own way, what about compromise? Sounds to me as if this b-i-l is rather nuts and should not be allowed to dictate how the rest of you behave.

    I would certainly find it v. v. difficult to remain diplomatic after all this time.

    • My husband has made a conscious decision to not make too many waves and to just let it go…and not have much of any contact with his brother once this is done. No, he has no authority except what my husband puts up with, and yes, my b.i.l. is very, very ill. My husband has a hard time accepting that. I have told my husband I will do what he wants…and for now, that is to stay out of it. If I had my way, things would be quite different. Diplomacy is not my strong suit when it comes to seeing my husband pushed around.

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