Posted by: chlost | October 14, 2010

When I was your age…………..

There have been several things that have caught my attention lately which have emphasized ways that the world has changed since I was a young person.  Some are from work, a couple are from my personal life.

My husband’s niece is getting married next May. One of my son’s best friends is getting married next May. On the same day. We were told about the date by my brother-and sister-in-law last March, I believe. They had been dating a few months, and got engaged, with a year until the wedding date.

There are two things centered around these weddings that point to how different things are from when I got married.  The niece and her fiance have started a wedding website. We were sent a link to the website by my sister-in-law. There are photos and bios for each member of the wedding party.  Never seen that before. There are photos and bios for the ring bearer and flower girl. Four of the five women in the wedding party are named Megan, although with some variations in the spelling of the name. No one on our side of the family is in the wedding, not even the bride’s two brothers.

The friends have sent out a “save the date” pre-invitation to the wedding. It is actually pretty cute, on a strip of photos from a photo booth, with the two of them holding signs saying “save the date, May 7, 2011”.  I guess we can expect to receive an official invitation sometime in the future. Never heard of that before.

When I was at work today, I was with a kid who is charged with assaulting another kid in a parking lot of a local convenience store. The police reports indicate he walked up to the kid and punched him a couple of times, knocking him to the ground and kicking him in the ribs while he was on the ground.  I was talking to him and his parents. He pretty clearly took responsibility. But his dad was ticked off because he claims that his son was being subjected to bullying by the alleged victim. He stated to me in front of his son. “He got what was coming to him, I think my son did the right thing.” This is a first for me. In the 16 years I have represented kids, no parent has been this proud of his kid for assaulting someone. Not to this extent. They may have understood it, and realized why their child did it, but they almost always say that their kid needs to be responsible for his own actions. This is a middle class younger than middle age father. The kid has not been in trouble before this. This is the attitude that many parents had in the 1950’s when it was considered a rite of manhood to fight someone. I told the dad straight out that a judge will not agree with his assessment. I am not sure that he understood.

My son has other friends who are due to have a baby in December. My son and daughter-in-law are hosting a couples baby shower for them. The parents to be are registered at a baby store, locally owned, and sort of “earthy” if you know what I mean. The future parents had requested that the invitations include not only the name of the store where they are registered, but a list of charities where they would prefer donations to baby gifts. My daughter-in-law did not include the charity information. Even she had not heard of that, and felt uncomfortable including it in the invitation. I’ve never heard of it either.

There were several people talking at work the other day. I am old enough to be the parent of most of them. When I made a comment that I have a facebook account, they were shocked that someone my age was on facebook.

The world is changing every day.  I am constantly learning of something new. I try to keep up. When I do, it apparently is shocking to the young ‘uns. 

When I was your age, I respected my elders!



  1. Off-topic I’m afraid. You left me a comment about Paris and I replied, don’t know whether you have read it? In it I said I was e-mailing you and please have a look at your e-mails.

    • Checked in on emails and sent off a response. Guess I need to check in more often, you never know what might be there!!!

  2. LOL….I didn’t, but I never let them know it.

    Yes, I have run into that old folks don’t do computers thing too. Gee, they should see what I do.

    You have a great day in the 21st century. 🙂

    • I am nowhere near as proficient with the computer as they probably are, but I stumble my way through.

  3. I still live by the “respect your elders” creed….but we are far in the minority these days, that’s for sure! Have a great weekend Chlost!

    • It is hard to accept the idea of being an elder.

  4. My brother and his wife did a similar charity thing for their wedding. I think the idea is that couples now are often getting married/having babies later than they used to do. It used to be that these showers were designed to help get the couple set up…but now the couples are often well established financially and so can easily afford to purchase house items/baby items themselves…so they invite people to donate to their favorite charity instead.

    • That does make sense for that type of situation,perhaps, but this couple does not fit into that group. I think most people like to provide gifts, especially as baby gifts-it is more for the baby than for the couple, perhaps?

  5. Imagine what your young co-workers would think if they knew about your blog?

    I’ve never heard of a wedding website with bios for the wedding party. Strange. I did get a wedding invitation recently where they wanted the response card mailed and an e-mail response.

    • I’m glad that I am not the only one who had never heard of the website. The co-workers would be beyond shocked.

  6. Same as it ever was. There likely has never been and never will be a time when people don’t make the comparison about how things were better when they were young.

    I thought you weren’t supposed to mention gifts period on invitations, to maintain the illusion that the invitation is not a solicitation of goods? I got an invitation to a wedding years ago (to people I didn’t know well) that included a poem suggesting cash instead of gifts. I didn’t attend and I sure didn’t send anything. Maybe it shouldn’t have attended my sensibilities but it did.

    • That is the rule that I learned, as well, but then all of the these stores began the registration phenomenon. So, I know that it had become common-if not proper-to include a statement as to where people have registered. It is sort of helpful to know what they want, especially for a wedding.

      I once was invited to a shower for the daughter of a woman who regularly served me at a restaraunt. I didn’t know her well, and certainly didn’t know her daughter. It became quite awkward when I didn’t go to the shower-eventually I stopped going to the restaurant. Some people don’t have good sense about these things.

  7. Another off-topic chlost: please do not think the fact that I am not blogging at the moment affects our recent conversations in any way. My original comments by e-mail definitely stand.

  8. I have been busy with showers too,
    for GG babies this past summer and one more last weekend.
    Along with many volunteer things going on I haven’t had time to put much thought into my blog lately.
    Hopefully when the election is over I’ll find more time.
    I am probably old enough to be your Mother and I am on Facebook.
    I fought it, but then my son set it up and I gave it a try , of course now I am hooked because I can peak in on my Grandkids lives.
    This world is moving way to fast for me.

    • The internet is a great invention for keeping up with the kids and grandkids.

  9. I could have sworn I already commented here, but must have forgotten to hit submit comment.

    I’ve been working on computers since they were room sized so most of the people I know, including my kids, come to me when they can’t get theirs to do whatever it is they want. I in turn get my kids to show me how the latest bells and whistles work on my iPhone and digital camera so I don’t have to bother figuring them out for myself.

    With the invitations, Bnai Mitzvah kids usually list a charity to which donations can be made so guess I probably wouldn’t notice if another invitation had the same.

  10. I had never heard of “being registered” with a store for a wedding until I came to this country. It is hard to keep up with everything it’s true as some things in the culture change fast, other not very much.

    • These traditions are so interesting….you have to wonder how they all began.

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