Closure

If you’ve read this blog for long, you will know that my sister died suddenly nearly two years ago, on the day before her 50th birthday. It still seems unreal. Many times I think to myself  “I should call Kathleen-I haven’t talked to her in a while”. Of course, I then remember why.

Since her death, there have been many difficult issues that have come up with my brother-in-law. The hardest, however, has been that my sister’s ashes are still at the funeral home. For whatever reason, my brother-in-law has not done anything with them. He has talked at different times about spreading her ashes in various places, but has not made any plans for it.  He hasn’t even brought her ashes home.

I cannot begin to describe how hard it has been for my mom, my other sister, my brother and I to know that. We were all very close. To think of her ashes sitting in a storeroom somewhere,  and abandoned, hurts almost more than her death. Even though I am not particularly religious, it seems disrespectful. For the rest of my family, who are more religious, it has been even more difficult.

No one felt comfortable bringing up the issue with my brother-in-law. He has made it very clear that he is moving on with his life. In fact, he was dating within several weeks of my sister’s death, and has been “purging” the house of her belongings from the day of the memorial service.

Today he called me to let me know that he and my nephew would not be visiting here over the holidays. He asked me about many of my sister’s belongings and whether I wanted any of them. He is getting rid of family photos, old family furniture, Christmas decorations and china.

I took a deep breath and plowed in. I told him that I wondered what he was doing about her ashes. He admitted that they were still at the funeral home. I explained to him that my mother in particular needed to have some closure, and I was trying to find out his plans.  We had a relatively pleasant discussion, and in the end, he agreed to check with the funeral home about sending her ashes to me. I think he may divide them in some way (I don’t even want to know). But I told him we would bury them in the plot where my grandparents and an infant brother was buried, as well as where my mother will be buried.

It was one of the hardest conversations that I have ever had. But hopefully, this will mean that we can finally put her to rest. We would just like to know that her remains are someplace that we can pay our respects. To ensure that those who love her have not forgotten her.

Some closure.