Send in the guys

I want guys. I want them to be my” guys”. I want to be able to call my guys when I need them, and they will be there for me.

My sister started me on this quest. I know. It sounds odd. She is younger than I, but she is the one who has it all figured out. It has been this way since we were children.

She has lots of guys. Her husband seems just fine with it.

Now, their situation is a little different. They have only been married for a year, even though they have been together for ten years. I guess that he is just used to letting her do her thing.

She visited me last weekend, and told me about her “guys”.

You know, the “guys”.

Her plumbing guy. He redid the plumbing at the townhouse she rents out, and then redid the plumbing at her daughter’s home.

Her painting guy. When she decides that there is the need for a new color, or for the renovation of the above-noted bathrooms, she just calls this guy. It’s painted, perfectly, with no drops of paint on the mopboards or doorframes.

Her renovations guy. Yup, this is the guy who has done all of the renovation projects for her. She did have one bad experience here, but found a new renovations guy and can get a bathroom done in just 4 weeks, on budget and to her exacting standards.

Her flooring guy. Now, I will admit that for this one, her husband did have to go out and buy and bring home the actual wood, but the flooring guy got it all installed and finished in just a few days. She just called him and it got done. She loves the natural wood floors of her (huge) master bedroom now.

Every one of her “guys” she found through either a friend, a client, or a neighbor. They are all independent, either working for themselves, or they do the job on the side, on their own-they are not from a company. She doesn’t need Angie’s list. She has her own list.

I, on the other hand, have no “guys”.

I have only my husband, sweet as he is, but he works long hours and does almost everything else around here.

I want to have a list of guys that I can call to do a job when I need it.

My husband hates the whole concept of “calling the guy” to do a job. He seems to feel it is an affront to his manhood if he cannot do everything that needs to be done in his house. He is also a bit “frugal”.

Painting? Why would you pay good money to have someone paint this entryway? “I can build a scaffolding with these boards and a ladder to reach that 20 ft ceiling at the top of the stairs.” (Yes, he did in fact do that, and it took several years off my life).

Electrical work? Easy. Don’t pay an electrician to do that. All you need to know is that you connect the wires with the same color, and there are these little plastic caps that you stick on the two wire ends and twist them together. “Did you turn off the circuit breaker?”

Plumbing? No reason to pay someone else to do that. “I can fix that toilet….DAMN!-the hammer slid out of my hand….I can replace that toilet, easy. All I need is to pick up a wax ring, and you hold it while I center the toilet on that…..DON’T MOVE IT!  Good thing I bought two wax rings.” (Another true story)

English: toilet seat up Deutsch: hochgeklappte Toilettenbrille (USA) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Of course there is a very predictable rhythm to our DIY jobs. The optimistic thrill, thinking of how easy this will be, how much money will be saved, how wonderfully, admirably self-sufficient we are. Then, when things are not going as well as expected, the loud expletives, the minor injuries (luckily we have had only a few more than minor injuries), the mickey-mousing to get it done, the tools that must be purchased, the broken or missing pieces. Finally, completion! Not always correctly, but done.

After hearing about my sister’s methods, I lust for a guy who’ll just come in, get the job done, and then I can just sit back and enjoy it.

I’m willing to pay for it.

Now I just have to convince the husband that it is not him, it’s me.

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