Posted by: chlost | July 1, 2013

Nothing here

For some reason I cannot specify, I have not written much here for a long time.

Life here has been busy….in spurts.

We have a wedding coming up in about a month. We are the parents of the bride. The bride, however, has delegated all planning to the groom. She gets overwhelmed, and he appears to have taken over the details. I feel quite superfluous to the whole endeavor. We recently learned that her father will not walk her down the aisle. This is something that Merle has always looked forward to for his daughter. His feelings are hurt and he is quite disappointed. We realize that it is a rather sexist tradition, the father handing over the bride to the groom. (I tweaked a bit by having both of my (then in the midst of a divorce) parents walk me down the aisle at our wedding ceremony-quite radical when we married in the 70’s). It would have been nice to have been involved in the decision for our daughter’s wedding or to at least have had a chance for Merle to explain it was important to him.. We realize that it is their wedding, not ours, so we have not said anything. No one prepared me for the emotions which seem entwined in a wedding of a daughter. Our son’s wedding was stressful, but in a totally different way.

In any event, the wedding plans are not taking a lot of my time.

The summer weather has finally arrived. Our backyard was decimated last year by gophers, deer and moles. We also tore out a lot of shrubbery in the front yard. It is a bit depressing to look at either the front or back yard. The funds for a professional have not been available. The weather, energy, motivation or inclination have not been conducive to do much ourselves.

Yard work has not been taking much of my time, either.

My job has been busier-finally. Is it bad that I am happier when kids are getting into trouble or being in bad situations? That is my job security. For every house that has a break-in, every runaway, or every fight, I have more to keep me busy at work. There is something wrong with that. My work hours are still 8-5, though.

My job is not taking a lot of my time.

The granddaughters have been here a few times overnight. We had a grand tea party on a beautiful Sunday afternoon a few weeks back. They loved it. Now they want a tea party whenever they visit. We use the good china cups.

Tea party with the granddaughters on the front porch.

Tea party with the granddaughters on the front porch.

.

They have been here a few weekends, but those visits are not taking up a lot of my time, either.

Merle had an unfortunate meeting with a deer on his way to work one morning. The deer did not survive. Merle was fine (thank goodness!). His car did not survive. The insurance company, after much anguished negotiation, totaled out the car and paid us the value. Merle then worked feverishly to find another car. In the interim, I was reduced to driving the farm truck to work….it is dirty, stinky and quite large to park at the curb. I hate to drive it, especially to work.

Merle's car after "meeting" the deer.

Merle’s car after “meeting” the deer.

He finally found a newer model of his previous car, and I now am driving that one. He is now driving my previous car.

Even though Merle put in a lot of time an energy on all of that, I did not. None of that has taken much of my time.

So, I return to my initial point. I have not been writing or posting here. But I haven’t got anything in particular that I can point to as a reason for that.

I just haven’t been motivated.

To do anything, really.

I am not sick.

I am tired. Just plain tired.

When my energy returns, I will be back.

For now, I think I’ll just take it easy for a while.

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Responses

  1. I’ve been feeling the same way to be honest. Seem to have dropped into a rut of some kind that doesn’t include writing. I have to change this.

  2. Work and wedding planning may not take up much of your actual time … but, emotional time … I bet that’s at a premium. Yes, your job security comes at a cost, and, I’m sure that even after all this time, the stories still take a piece of your emotional energy. And, I understand from many, many friends that weddings are emotional roller-coasters for all involved, whether you’re actively doing something or not.

    Writing requires mental and emotional energy — not just time.

    So, enjoy some more tea parties with the granddaughters … even have a few scones. Those little things can really make a difference!

    Enjoy your summer…. and relax. You’ve earned it.

  3. Rest, recharge and feel better on your own time schedule. Hoping for more energy here too!

  4. A strange lack of energy seems to be rampant. Many of my friends and acquaintances mention the problem. I wonder if it is a problem, or simply a wide spread recharging of batteries. Ah, that wonderful front porch.

  5. Rest up – you’re allowed.

    (To be honest, if I had it to do over, I’d skip the being-escorted-down-the-aisle bit.)

  6. Always good to take time to rest. As you have witnessed, I regularly take time away from blogging myself. My job falls into the same category in some ways. If nothing goes wrong with medical procedures, if devices don’t malfunction, if people are not injured or die, then I would have nothing to do. I look forward to getting the cases where things really went wrong because they are the most interesting. Makes it hard to be treated myself though, since I know so many things that can go wrong.

    Hope you’re able to just relax and enjoy the nice weather. Take care!

  7. I think it’s normal to go through periods void of motivation. Your porch is great and your yard looks beautiful and green. I hope you enjoy your yard and the weather and I’m sure you’ll be back when you feel like writing something again 🙂

  8. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate even though you say you do not. I think sometimes we can all get a bit burned out on the do-and-redo factor when it comes to blogging. Take some time out for yourself, you say you have plenty! And enjoy refreshing your creativity in some way. Enjoy those grandbabies too!

  9. I have been completely eaten up by summer’s demands, myself. Your rundown here is incredibly interesting to me, especially the part about how parents feel during wedding planning. Byron and I completely planned ours without consulting anyone, but we did choose to include all family members. I’m mulling now about how Merle feels and how those kids have no idea about it. Probably isn’t constructive, ultimately, to pass on his feelings to them, eh? You’ve got me thinking! I’d say Merle should take heart from the fact that he raised a daughter confident and independent enough to forget she might need him.

    Okay, does that sound weird? I just mean, her wanting to do the thing on her own two feet, period, indicates that he did the best possible job.


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