Sadness

It happens.

It’s life.

Millions of people go through this.

We never have. That’s good, but it makes it very hard.

Our daughter-in-law and son found out this week that the much-wanted and already-loved baby they were expecting in November is no longer alive. The baby stopped growing after about 8 weeks.

They had a twelve-week doctor appointment this week, and went in happily expecting to hear the heartbeat of their first child for the first time. I was excited for them. That first time you hear your child’s heartbeat is indescribable.

Instead, they were told that the baby “was being uncooperative” and they had to return for an ultrasound. Two days later, the ultrasound technician’s face told them everything; the radiologist confirmed it.

They are no longer expectant parents.

We are no longer anticipating the fun and excitement of a new baby at Christmas. Our three granddaughters aren’t quite sure why there no longer will be a new cousin for a playmate. Merle and I were very happy about a fourth grandchild-maybe a boy, just to change things up after three granddaughters.

In my mind, I know that they will likely be pregnant again soon. I know that they will likely have a baby in the relatively near future.

But my heart is sad for them, and the little one whose arrival our entire family was excitedly anticipating. I had very nearly purchased a little baby outfit last weekend.

There is this downside to knowing so early about a pregnancy. Back in the day, we didn’t know we were pregnant until 3 or 4 months along. We may have miscarried before we ever realized we were pregnant. Now with the ability to know a woman is pregnant within just several days, the parent knows about every one of those early miscarriages.

My son and his wife had been very reticent about acknowledging the pregnancy. No one outside the family had been told. But they were just beginning to feel confident enough to make a more general announcement, which they planned to do in just a few more weeks. They had just started to allow themselves to start to think of possible names. They were saving up their PTO from work so that they would be able to be at home for the longest possible time.

It was a long week. My daughter-in-law told me they were staying home tonight to go to bed early. “All of this crying and stuff this week is exhausting,” she told me.

Yes, I agree. It is very exhausting.

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