Posted by: chlost | May 20, 2015

The Family Busy-ness

Our family is slowly moving forward after the disappointment of our son and daughter-in-law’s loss with the miscarriage. Our son is trying to be supportive while our daughter-in-law’s grief is almost palpable. She continues to struggle. He tells me that they are becoming closer as a couple, which is encouraging.

Mother’s Day was a bit difficult, but we had lunch together and just relaxed. It was what we needed.

My husband’s 92 year-old aunt Lois passed away this past week. She was what is lovingly called “a character”. A woman who graduated from college in 1947, was pregnant when she married, then was divorced with a young child at a time that it was considered shameful. She later remarried, had five more children and raised them in a very small home. She was full of life, a person whose brain and mouth had no filter in between. She said whatever she thought. She made us laugh a lot when we were near her, whether in embarrassment or delight at what she said.

This past weekend, I made my first trip to Florida, to Naples, to attend my nephew’s law school graduation. He attended a very Catholic school, one which lists the names Scalia, Bork and Thomas as founders or supporters. Then they wonder why they had problems with the bar passage rate of their students. Teaching lawyers from a political perspective does not generally improve their intellectual reasoning skills, no matter which end of the political spectrum. I only hope he passes and is able to find success away from his father. My sister’s ex is a very obnoxious, pushy and financially successful man. He paid for the law school, and I suspect he expects some payback in terms of how my nephew uses that education. It was a stressful weekend in terms of family dynamics, but the weather was gorgeous, and the time with my sister, niece and nephew was very enjoyable. Naples is a bit too ritzy and picture-perfect for my taste, but we had fun.

This upcoming Memorial Day weekend will be spent with family as well. We are having a “welcome to the family” bridal shower for my future sister-in-law.. A winery visit, food and dinner should give us all a chance to relax and get to know each other a bit. We want to be sure she knows how happy we are that my brother has found someone to share his life.

Merle is gone this week, so I am alone at home. It is the first time he has been gone this long. The house is quiet, but I am enjoying it. The first night I returned from my Florida trip, the dog wasn’t even here. That was too quiet. But now it is the two of us, and we are okay. My single friends-one is a widow and the other never married-would probably think I am getting a taste of their lives. And I suppose that’s true. I miss him, but I am also enjoying the time alone. He is on a fishing trip in Canada with my sister’s husband. The weather there has been very cold, including snow. I am pretty sure he will be ready to be home this weekend. He isn’t even that much of a fisherman. Doing it in snow would not be fun for him. I just hope he enjoys spending time with some guys. Is it strange that I want my husband to make some male friends? He doesn’t have any right now, and I think he needs that in his life. Friends are so important to me, and I hope he can have that too.

This busy-ness of family makes it harder to say goodbye to the baby we were hoping for this fall. Our family is the biggest part of my life. It is the most important to me. It has been difficult to let go of the idea of that little one. But we go on with all of the family stuff, enjoy what time we have together with who ever is able to be with us.

Someday we will be able to welcome a little one into the family, and things will be fine.

In the meantime, we keep busy.




  1. Someday……

  2. I can remember the sickening grief I felt with my miscarriage 19 years ago like it was yesterday. It’s a tough loss, and I’m sorry for your son and DIL. I hope a baby follows that will heal that.

  3. You really have been busy! Some good and some not so good. I hope you can stop by this summer.

  4. I continue to be so sorry for your grief about the miscarriage. Truly, I feel like our culture doesn’t articulate nearly enough how devastating that loss is. There’s something deeply profound about a life anticipated but not lived.

    On other subjects: the family dynamics in FL made me exhausted, even as a reader from this far distance. I’m glad you had some time home alone, to recover!

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