Posted by: chlost | March 10, 2018

If he ignores it, will it go away?

There are many differences between men and women which have been noted by folks much more erudite and well-spoken than I.

My observations are limited to just the few men and women within my family and social circle. However, I have noticed a few pretty universal difference in the world view of the men and women in my life.

Right now, I am dealing with one of the most universal of those differences.

Men and women deal with physical ailments completely differently.

Merle had that horrible cold/upper respiratory thing a few weeks ago. He started out with the zinc tablets, trying to ward it off.

That didn’t work.

He had a terrible cough, stuffy head and nose. He took off two days from work. He barely functioned, even around the house. He stayed in bed for most of those two days, and was in bed early on other nights when he went to work the next morning. If he’d had his way, I would have been at home with him to take care of him or just sympathetically keep him company through  his suffering.

A couple of weeks later, he was having some bothersome chest pains when he coughed. He went to the doctor. They took x-rays. No bronchitis or pneumonia, but probable muscle pain from all of the previous coughing.

But as a side note on the x-ray, it was noted that he had a hernia. He didn’t know that, no one had ever found that before.

Now as a guy who works as a supervisor/manager of a large agricultural operation, and who has cows of his own that he is raising, he does a lot of physical work. He has always been a very strong guy, and uses that to lift, push, pull or handle almost any chore. The ultimate tough guy.

In the last few days, the hernia has become painful. He actually called me today to have our son come over to help with the cows because he couldn’t do it on his own.

But has he gone in to have this hernia checked out?  Has he done any research to see what procedures, concerns, symptoms, or prognosis there may be for this?

No. And No.

He babies himself when he has a cold. He wants me to baby him through the cold.

He refuses to acknowledge this hernia. He tries to continue to do things as if it isn’t there. He gets annoyed at me if I voice any concern, if I point things out to him about maybe trying to take it easy.

Of course I have done some checking on his behalf. I get to do all of the worrying for both of us. I am worried about a strangulated hernia, and now I watch him for symptoms. I pass along the information about the symptoms. He doesn’t want to hear about it.

My attitude in these situations is totally the opposite.

If I have a cold, I rarely let it stop me. I feel guilty about going to work and giving it to others, but if I have work that must be done in the office, I go in. If I can work from home, I do that. I don’t want to acknowledge that I could be sidelined over a stupid cold. I hobbled through the two weeks of coughing, sneezing, and grabbing for tissues, throat lozenges and water in court. People kept their distance, but I was there.

I have also had several fairly major medical issues over the years. In those situations, I usually fear the worst. I research, watch scary videos, and obsess over treatment options. I have every test and procedure that they recommend. From my perspective, if I have pictured the worst, it probably won’t happen. It’s those things you haven’t obsessed over which will pop up out of nowhere and whack you upside the head.

Boy, does that ever tell you something about me.

But it’s the way most of the women I know handle these types of things. Push through the little stuff, Worry about the big stuff, but handle it as it comes.

Many of the men I know obsess over the little things, the things that really aren’t life changing, while at the same time they either completely ignore, push aside, or are oblivious to the life-altering things in their lives.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go downstairs to check my husband for symptoms.







  1. **HUGZ**

    I hear ya hun. My hubby just got done dealing with a huge ordeal, most of which was due to him playing ostrich until I finally dragged him (almost literally) to the one doc who could give us answers.

    I’ll keep you to in my thoughts. ❤

  2. Oh, boy, can I relate. I persuaded my husband to see the dermatologist about a spot (result: skin cancer); to go to the doctor when he was having chest pain (thank God, not a heart attack); and to schedule a sleep study (diagnosis: sleep apnea, which likely contributed to his mom’s death at 59). Like you, I check, I worry and try to convince. Good luck.

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