Posted by: chlost | April 13, 2011

If I worry about it, it will not happen

Just enough time for a short little post.

On Monday, I got a call from my daughter-in-law asking about my schedule for the day. I was due in court that afternoon, something that I couldn’t change, as I am covering for someone who is on vacation as well as handling my own cases.  When I asked why she was asking, she hesitated a bit, but told me that she hadn’t felt the baby move much over the past couple of days. They were going into the doctor for an emergency appointment in just a couple of hours.

My heart nearly stopped beating.

I will skip to the ending of that story to say that the doctor found everything was fine, but that she was having mild contractions every 5 minutes or so. She has had two c-sections for our other granddaughters, so our dil was not really familiar with the feeling of the contractions. This baby could be born any day now.

The whole incident made me realize that we have just been assuming that everything will go perfectly fine, but that there is the possibility-which we had not been acknowledging up to now-that things could go horribly wrong. In those several hours between the phone call and learning that things were fine, I had all sorts of terrible scenarios playing in my mind. I told myself very sternly to stop thinking that way. I repeated to myself over and over that everything was fine. But in my mind, those possibilities intruded-miscarriage, injury due to lack of blood flow to the baby, injury to our daughter in law.

I went to their house last night to be sure that they have the baby blanket I made when the baby is born. I needed to see all of them. They are fine.

We can’t assume anything. The world gives no guarantee that things will be fine.

But I have convinced myself that I must continue to believe that they will be fine. Because having a “normal birth” after two c-sections is going to be fine. The baby is fine. My daughter-in-law is fine.

Repeating it over and over will make it true.



  1. You can’t help but worry. You are just being a normal grandma, mother and mother in law. We worry troubles away. It is our job.
    Only good thoughts and prayers to you for an easy delivery.

    • Worry takes so much energy, but I do it naturally. Thank you for the good thoughts.

  2. I’m hoping for a healthy delivery of your granddaughter and also that you know your worry is a normal part of loving your family!

    • Yes, I worry more than many people, I think. It definitely is normal for me.

  3. The world gives no guarantee that things will be fine.

    It is natural for us to attempt to “influence” the odds, even as an avowed “Skeptic” I too succumb to worrying over things even though I know the odds favor the outcome. Skepticism is not natural, it takes effort.

    Add to that the power of the anecdote holds way more sway over us than factual statistics. That is why some choose to “save” their child the potential dangers of getting vaccinated while the monumentally higher risk to the child is NOT being vaccinated.

    • There is worry about things which may happen to your loved ones, and then there is stupidity. Not vaccinating your children due to the perceived danger of a proven benefit is just plain stupid. So far, anyway, my worrying has kept away most of the bad things in my life-whether by chance or action.

  4. No one can predict outcomes. It is in our natures to worry and hope for what we want or need. As women, I think worry is built-in, especially when it comes to our children, and their children. I do know that many many women have perfectly normal deliveries following c-sections. That is the way nature designed things to go, and nature is a powerful force.
    I look forward to hearing about the arrival of your beautiful new grandchild, and the picture you will post with her wrapped in the grandma-made blanket.

    • My experience is that women worry more than men. I think my profession also lends itself to worry. I know the worst case scenario, and I see it over and over. I will post a photo of this granddaughter as soon as possible. We are still waiting for her.

  5. Keeping you and your growing family in my thoughts and prayers. There is so much beyond our control it is sometimes seems a wonder that anyone is born at all… But as families we gather around, hope for the best, and do what we can to support each other. Wishing you many blessings!

    • Thank you. Sometimes when I see so many awful things, I do wonder that so many children make it to adulthood. Thank you for your good wishes.

  6. Oh, I did feel for you when reading this post! That dreadful icy hand which grips the heart when we get a message like that. The trying to be positive and sensible talk we have with ourselves while the emotions are screaming “get over there and make it all right”. So glad to hear that this was not something seriously wrong.XX

    • You have described the feeling exactly-a cold icy hand gripping the heart. Thank you for your kind words.

  7. Well, things can go wrong, but chances are things will go beautifully right. And even if they don’t go perfectly, she will be in capable hands and they will deal with whateever happens. Let us know!!

    • Yes, this is the right way to think of it all. When she finally makes her appearance, I will post it.

  8. I know the feeling – you don’t want to even think about something because you feel that if you do think about it, then it is not normal. My daughter is having a 3rd boy in July (3rd C section) and I keep thinking that everything will go normally – I am sure it will, just like for your daughter-in-law.

    • It is that third birth after 2 c-sections that has raised more concerns for me. Many doctors will not agree to it, but our dil has found a doctor who will allow her to try a vaginal birth. I know how much she wants this, and I am hopeful it will be fine. We can form a grandma support group!

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