One week to go

 

Surgery (Photo credit: Army Medicine)

 

As my surgery date gets closer, I have had less and less interest and energy to post. I am not really sure why that is. But today I realized that it has been about a month since my last post. That’s the longest lull I’ve ever had here. I hope that there is still someone out there who might still be reading.

 

For whatever reason, I have been more cynical than usual. I have had several posts in mind, especially with the excess of material provided by the current US political scene, but just don’t seem to get around to writing any of it down at the computer. Maybe that is for the best, anyway.

 

A couple of things have come to mind as I go about my daily routine…..

 

——-When you approach an intersection on a multi-lane road where the cars ahead of you are stopped at a light, how do you decide which line to join while waiting for the light to change? Does it make a difference if the vehicles in front of you include a truck or a vehicle with a trailer? I find myself making the calculations in my mind as I approach….there are four cars in one lane, but only one semi-truck trailer on the other side…..but the four cars will probably go faster than that truck when starting off from a stop. How many cars would be too many before I should pull up in the lane behind the semi?

 

——–I have become a fanatic about trying to save myself time and steps. If I have several items to bring upstairs, I figure out some way to carry all of them up at once rather than making two trips. I find myself carrying things in my mouth, piled on top of each other, or one thing inside of another in order to minimize the energy I must expend to move everything to the right place. Of course, there are many times when this backfires, and I drop the entire thing, requiring not only another trip, but a cleaning up of the resulting mess.

 

——–While on vacation, I found myself getting very crabby. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do the hiking in the mountains with others, and I had brought books along to read. My 82 year-old mother was with us on the trip. I found that I felt sorry for myself almost the entire time, and wanted to be with everyone else rather than sitting with my mother. Then I felt guilty that I was feeling that way. It resulted in a not very enjoyable vacation. And it was completely my own fault.

 

——–My job does not provide me with many opportunities for “wins”. It is just the nature of this position, no one really wins. But recently, I have prevailed on a couple of issues which were very important for my clients. It feels good to win! I had forgotten how good it feels. I can understand why some politicians enjoy winning so much-no matter what it takes.

 

——–As I am getting closer to the reality of a major surgery, the fear is setting in. I haven’t had general anesthesia in over 40 years. I have a lot more health issues now. There is a lot more of me now. I don’t like this feeling. I just want this to be done. All I want is to be able to walk normally again. Too bad I have to go through the surgery to make that happen.  I am having fear of complications or surgical errors. I am not looking forward to the surgery, the pain, or the recovery afterward.  the last time I was hospitalized, I coded when I was given a small (2 mg) dose of morphine. Who knows what lies ahead for me this time? I am a wimp.

 

I will likely have some time on my hands after the surgery. I anticipate spending time reading and on the computer in order to keep myself from going stark raving mad. Perhaps there will be more posts during that time. Hopefully, if I am on pain medication, they will make some sense.

 

Consider yourselves warned!